


Butterflies

by PirateQueenNina



Category: Jane the Virgin (TV)
Genre: F/M, also raf is boring...i mean the most boring choice, because god dammit why shouldn't I?, but that's never stopped me before, i don't think it worked quite right, i'm still finding my voice with this fandom, so I fixed it, spoilers for chapter 88 y'all, this is a fix it fic y'all
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-09
Updated: 2019-05-09
Packaged: 2020-02-29 03:59:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18770740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PirateQueenNina/pseuds/PirateQueenNina
Summary: Jane has a realization after Rafael shuts the door in her face after Chapter 88.





	Butterflies

**Author's Note:**

> So I think Raf is the most boring and unrealistic choice. He sends a bad message to kids who have parents who aren't good for each other. And I can tell where they are going with this, so guess what? I'm choosing differently. Feel free to choose with me.

“I don’t trust you,” Rafael said and when he closed the door, the choice was clear.

Rafael wasn’t a choice. She loved him, but she couldn’t do this anymore. This whole thing with Michael, she chose Rafael and he didn’t choose her back. She chose him in the face of her dead husband coming back. She chose him over everything and if he wasn’t going to choose her, that was it. They were co-parents and nothing more.

Michael, she loved him. She told him that their moment had passed in Montana, but she wondered if she was kidding herself? Jane would always love Michael. She convinced herself that she needed to give herself the best chance to be the most happy, but Raf choosing to say that he couldn’t trust her anymore, it was over.

She went back to Abuela’s house and slumped on the porch swing. Choosing Raf was supposed to be the romantic thing to do and he blew it. All she thought he wanted was to be chosen, over everything else, and when she did, it wasn’t good enough. Clearly, it wasn’t enough to choose him. And that’s all she could do. She wasn’t going to apologize for what had happened. There was so much in their lives that had been crazy and he had accepted those, but this? This actually made sense and he couldn’t handle this? She wiped a tear away from her eyes. It was time to move on.

Abuela wasn’t home, she was at work, and Jorge left her well enough alone, realizing that he didn’t want to step in things that weren’t his to deal with. When she went to her room, what she decided to do was write. Writing would make her feel better. Writing would at least help her make sense of the situation. It would be something.

When she wrote, it felt like nothing was wrong, like she hadn’t made the worst decision of her life, by going over there and finally realizing that it would never be enough for Rafael. She was in such a flurry that she didn’t have time to think about it. She wrote like the wind, the clean Montana wind, to be clear. When she stopped and she looked at it, she smiled and blushed. It was different than any of the other pieces that she had written before, although, she could definitely see the tinge of Snow Falling in it.

_When she woke up in the middle of the night and she looked down at him, so gallant on the floor, not sure of where they were after all of this time, she gently woke him up and pulled him up into the bed. It wasn’t the biggest thing in the world, but there was plenty of room, enough for both of them. Maybe, they could make it after all. All the distance in the world hadn’t been enough to keep them apart forever and she wasn’t going to make him feel like this was over. She didn’t know how to do it, but it wasn’t over._

That was about Michael, she was sure of it. He lived off the grid in Montana and that drove her crazy, but he said that he was willing to find a way to make it work and so was she. She resolved that she would make it work.

But first, she needed to talk to her mom. Xo always knew what to say. She had Jane’s best interest at heart. She would know how to make sense of this situation.

When she went to go to get in her car and go to her parents’ house, she was actually surprised to find that Xiomara was on the doorstep of her childhood home. “I hadn’t heard from you since you got back,” She said.

And Jane hugged her. “You have perfect timing,” She said as let out a deep breathe. Thankfully, it seemed that Jorge had gotten the message or maybe he just had to work too. Regardless, the fact that he wasn’t here and they could talk in peace was a lifesaver.

Xiomara hugged her daughter back fiercely. This was a time in her life that was so tumultous. Jane had never been very good about handling things that were very complicated. She needed a clear and decisive decision. Not everything in life was like that though and she would sometimes just have to feel it out. And that was what Xo was for. Xo had always had a complicated life, and it never stopped.

When they sat down, Jane immediately started crying. She couldn’t stop. Xo combed through her hair and just listened to her daughter cry. This is what she needed. She needed to feel it. She didn’t need someone to always talk, she needed someone to listen. Xo was going to listen.

“What happened in Montana?” She asked, once Jane seemed to settle down into some sniffling.

Jane slowly sat up and laughed a little. She didn’t even know where to begin. So she told Xo everything. About cleaning about horse poop and mending fences and riding horses and even lassoing Charlie, which Xo had a bit of a chuckle at. “I just kept thinking of all these scenarios and none of them felt right. None of them felt like they fit. Except the last one. But Raf was still there and I thought that I needed to hold onto that. It was stupid...”

Xiomara shook her head. “That wasn’t stupid, Janie. That was smart. You wanted to know that you could do the coparent thing and you knew that your life was here. It only made sense that you thought that meant Raf. But here’s the thing Janie, not all parents are supposed to be together. I certainly wasn’t ready for your father when you were growing up. You and Raf are always going to be connected, but that doesn’t always mean love,” She told Jane.

And when she thought back on all of those scenarios and what she thought was guilt and then love, like she told Michael, she couldn’t believe how careless she had been. It wasn’t because of Raf. It was Mateo. Her love was Mateo and that was what she felt guilty about. She felt guilty about leaving him. Her whole life was here. Mateo needed his dad. But she needed Mateo.

“Personally?” She said, “I think you should take some time to think about what you really want.” Xiomara said. “This whole situation has been about everyone but you. And you need to think about what you need, screw what everyone else thinks. If you love Michael, tell him after awhile, but think about it. Really think about it.” She said.

And that, my friends, is what Jane Villanueva did. She coparented with Rafael and she wrote everyday. She thought a lot about what she wanted. And she wanted what Jane Villanueva wanted since the beginning of our story. She wanted Michael Cordero.

It had been two months since this whole thing started and the crazy thing was, it didn’t take time to know that she wanted Michael. It took time to realize that wanting him was never going to change. The world was never going to let her stop loving Michael Cordero.

She knew that the thing she had to was write him a letter. She had to make sure that he knew she could handle different. They were going to be different, but it was okay. They were going to make it through all of this just fine.

When someone rapped at her door, she wondered who it could be.

When she opened it, she saw Raf. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know what I wanted and I was starting my new medication and that thing with Michael. It was complicated. But I love you, Jane,”

She shook her head. “Look, Raf. I’m glad that you love me. But that’s never enough for you. It was never enough for you that I pick you. It had to be you and only you. It couldn’t be anything else. And quite frankly, I’m done with that. I love you. And I always will, but it’s not enough for me. You are Mateo’s father and I love him. And that means that I will always love you. But the way that you treated Michael coming back. Acting like I betrayed you, it was the last thing I needed. And you knew that. But you pushed me away. That was your choice. And it’s the choice you’re going to live with. Because I love Michael, with my whole heart, he came back, don’t you get it?”

And with that, when she shut the door, she thought about going back. Rafael had made a choice, but so did she. If choosing him wasn’t going to be enough, she was going to have to find someone where the choice would be.

And that, my friends, was always Michael. While Rafael slinked away, she finished the letter that she was going to send Michael, because he deserved to know that it wasn’t about Raf. If he held it in his heart that he could come back, then she wanted him to.

_Dear Michael,_

_I know this is a little strange, because I told you that I loved Raf, but recently, something has been brought to my attention, that I never thought about. I was always trying to make it work with someone. I was trying to figure out what you coming back meant for you and what it meant for Raf, but never what it meant for me._

_I know you might not remember, but when we got married, we were asked when we went to Marriage Class to write a letter and yours was about fate. But you see, I don’t think it was fate that brought us together. I think it was choice. We chose each other everyday and in spite of everything. Every single thing in this world was trying to break us apart and we wouldn’t let it._

_This is basically the speech I gave at my parents’ wedding, now that I think about it. But it’s true. Fate only chooses what happens to you in the beginning. You choose what to do with Fate. Fate brought you back into my life. And it’s my choice to want to keep you in my life. If you’ll have me._

_It will mean that eventually, if things go the way that I want them to, that I’m choosing to believe they will, that I will want you back in Miami. Because the truth is, that I can’t leave here. My whole family is here. My son is here. And his father, god rest his soul, is here._

_And that’s the thing. I told you that when I thought of the different pictures of my life that Raf was still in them and that I thought it was guilt, but realized that it was love. That’s not it. Raf wasn’t the one I felt all of those things about. He will always be a part of my life, but that’s because he’s Mateo’s father. I never want to lose Mateo and that means having a good relationship with Raf. I know it would be a lot for you, but I want to lay it all out there._

_I want to everything in the world for us to be happy. I just want you to know that you were the happiest place that I could have ever been. I know that now._

_Love, Jane_

When she put it in the mail, she hoped that it would make him happy, but she also knew that he could close the door on this chapter of his life, and that would be fair of him. He liked Montana and the bad blood with Rafael, she knew that it was a lot. Speaking of, she thought, she should text him, and she was about to when the doorbell rang.

When she opened the door, she saw Mateo and her father and she smiled. “How are you, Mr. Sweetface? Had a good time with Abuelo?” She asked him.

He said something, but she looked at her dad, who looked simply too excited for just bringing Mateo over. “Are you okay?” She asked him. He shook his head. And she quirked her eyebrow up. She had never quite seen him this excited in awhile. It must be something important. Probably something about Passions of Santos’s american remake, which she loved that he was happy making. She wanted him to have the American audience that he had so desired for so long.

When he stepped away from the door, he simply pointed to it. And she looked at him, confused again. What exactly was this about? He simply pointed again and she threw up her hands and sighed. He was not going to give up until she went out there and looked at whatever he was so excited about. The fact that Mateo hadn’t said anything about it was a little weird. He was not known for keeping secrets.

On the porch, she didn’t see anything until she saw on the porch swing, there was Michael. She sobbed a little. “What?” She asked.

He shrugged. “Couldn’t stay in Montana without you. My whole life changed. I can’t just go back to being a ranch hand. I thought I could, but I can’t. My whole life was here. And staying there, it just seemed like it wouldn’t be true to who I was.” He told her. “I still want you to be happy, so if you need me to go, I get it, but I also thought about something that you might want, because you’re trying to start your life up again,” He told her.

He handed her a new copy of divorce papers. And before he could even try and put them in her hand, she pushed them away and pushed her way into his arms. “I can’t be with anyone but you. You’re my choice,” She told him, softly. “You’re the person who the choice was enough. It didn’t have consequences. All you wanted was happy. That’s all I want,”

That was enough. It was enough that all they wanted was happy. It wasn’t always going to be easy, but that’s the thing about happy endings. They didn’t just stop with the choice. You had to choose everyday. It was always going to be a choice. And when they chose each other, it felt a lot like fate.


End file.
